My feeling is up & down this 2 days.. my brain is couldn't be quiet, couldn't be steady.. its just like so frustrating now. I use to see the people always struggling in " Love ".. feeling torturing... feeling dilemma..and blah blah blah..! Sometimes i can saw people die because of Love... they sacrifice everything because of Love..! Love is always make people feel struggle...ermm.. i duno whether i thinking like this is true or not. Well, there is some people were telling me that " Love " will never say who is correct who is false.. two people together is call " Jodoh "... The earth is having thousand millions of people.. but you were met your Half in your Life.. it is consider as Jodoh.. I will believe of this sentence also, i would agree with wat they said. I have never experience my " Love " in my Life since my schooling time... college time until this day. There is a day i found " Her " in my Life.., can't describe how happy of my feeling when the first time that i saw her.. I would never thought that " She " will appears in my Life as well. She appears, has make my Life different. She is the first who gaves me caring.., she is the first who always stay close with me... she is the first who make me feels sweety... she is the first who make me experienced my first Love... she is the first who kissing me in my Life... she is the first who make my life becomes more colourful... she is the first who make my brain fully with her soul...she is the first who always missing me and putting me in her heart all the time in her Life... she is the first who always saying me is the best... she is the first who promised me to stay with me when my next year birthday... she is the first who telling me that i make her life becoming more brigther...
Well.. She has leave me so much of memory in my Life even though i just with her about 2 month time so short only.. She has given me a deep deep impression and a deep deep memory in my Life.. Everytime when i listen to this song, it would remind me of her.." Miss You like Crazy - The Moffatts- Everytime when i look at the Honey Dew juice.. it would remind me of her again...everytime when i been to this Cafe " 7s " it would remind me of her once again... everytime when i sitting in the cinema.. it would remind me of her again and again...! Everytime when i passby the Arena food Court, it would remind me of her again...everytime when i looks at my left seat in my car, it would remind me of her again, everytime when i see this word " Miss You so much", it would remind me of her again..., everytime when my phone msg alert, it would remind me of her once again... There was too many too many memory surrounding my soul.
I've been 2 time hurted " her " myself without aware of it also, when i looks at her she was looks so sad, then only i noticed that i hurted her without knowing of it. Everytime when she getting angry on me, its will make me feels like our distance is getting so far and so far away... i afraid to losing her in my Life.. this kind of feeling is myself never experience before, this is the first time. I never have thinking of a gal so serious and i always think i wish i could stay together with her.
Previously i use to ask.. whats call Love ? What would i feel if i in Love ? Love is sweet or is bitter ? Well..! i eventually felt it & experienced it in my Life when i met HER. This is the first time i really really experienced it with my self. Well, i never thought that my first Love is experienced it with so struggled and never can be easy. I felt so frustrate.. headache.. touchy.. sometimes is feeling so sweet..but sometime may feeling bitter... I'm so struggling with it all the time.. I would think she is important to me.. but sometimes would think i'm not perfect enough for her as well.. i'm couldn't solve every problems that she getting in this moment. she did telling me why can't i appears in her Life earlier ! she use to tell me if i could appears in her Life earlier.. maybe our story will be different already.. Myself actually has really put my time to think back of her question when i was sitting at home alone. Sometimes i would think why is the " Moon Men " love to joke with us in our Love path ? We could only able to see our most love one at beside, but could not stay together with our really love one.. We were feeling so struggling in the difficulty Love path...
I really duno what to do at this moment, sometimes Love is never just 2 person's business, it might be 2 person and both family's business and also others peoples who surrounding us might be effecting. Even though we both are wish to be together, but we still need to consider others people that surrounding us as well. I can understand that she has her reason why she never can make her decision for herself now... i know she is never can control everything that surrounding us in our life as well.... I always telling her just relax, dont always struggle herself with all the things that she can't decide now. However, myself was never can relax and comfort myself for all the time 1. My feeling is just never can be quiet and and never be smooth as what i use to comfort to Her... sometimes i really hate myself why do i always pretending like so steady.. pretending like so strong...and pretending like i was nothing... and i never telling the truth of what i feel and what i actually thinking...
Anyhow, i would save Her in my memory always, and i will remember her and the precious moment with her in my first Love in my Life..! Thanks you for given me your precious memory in my Life... Never forget about you..!
feelin- Upside Down
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