struggle with my life..!

Recently quite struggling to myself, i struggle to my work, i struggle to my life, i struggle to my love path as well. Everyday is stayed in the office for my work until very late then only can go home. Since Wayne had left AEON.CO, my job is getting harder and difficult now. Even though, i would still push myself to finish all the task as much as i could. Sometimes, i will feel tiring and sleepy when i'm work alone in the office till so late.

Most of the time when i felt stressing or feel tiring, i would suddenly think of "Her" on my mind, and i found myself so..so..so.. desperating to see her immediately everytime when i thinking of her. However, i cannot sms her... i cannot call her....and i can't even can see her when the time i need her.. this kind of feeling is.. unusual... uncomfortable... and feeling like so painful in my heart..

She said dont sms her and dont even can call her if she stay at home.. WEll, sometimes i will accidentally sms her without aware that she is staying at home.. Then, she will comes to remind me on the second day when she see me in the office..She said : " why you suddenly sms me ? luckily is i holding the phone, if let "him" saw your msg, then it must be terrible already.." Urghh,,! when the time i heard she saying like such... my heart is feeling.. so pain.. so pain...so pain...! But i can't show her my sadness face..!

You know..! when the time you listen to your most lover person who telling you all this thing... will you can just feels like nothing.. and never be feel sad on all this words saying...? I think there is 10 out 10 person i ask... all ten will answer me the same loh..! WHo can tahan..?

I still remember the Monday nite, i worked until 10pm in the office, going back very late. When i on my way going home on the MRRII highway, " She " was suddenly sms me again that she still havent had her dinner yet on that time.. Well, i quite surprise that every monday she will go to her Spanish language class until 8.30pm, and then she and "him" will go for dinner together normally.. but duno why she was called me suddenly.. When i received her sms, i straight away called her back to ask her "why..? From the phone, i was heard she crying.. and her voice is heard differently on that time... She didnt talk too much with me on the phone, she said she hope to see me on that moment, hence i just turned my way to Cheras again...

When i get to her house, she is still with the morning office dressing... i quite surprise that so late already but she is still havent taken her shower yet.. When she get into my car, and i looked at her.. and tried to ask her whats happening with her just now..! When she answering my question, she was started crying again, i holding tight to her hand, and keep giving her my condolance...!

I duno why, every time when she quarrel with "him", and when she is need me, i will definitely didnt think so much, straight away go to find her and accompany her.. However, most of the time when i need her the most, but she will never can right beside me or sms with me.. feeling heart pain.. I always struggle myself, maybe this is the time to release her now, dont keep continue with this kind of relationship with her anymore.. Coz i found myself is really really really cannot tahan again.. everytime when i think of her but she wasn't beside of me, i would never can felt comfortable with that kind of feeling on this...

As i said, many time i was tried to tell her that i dont want to continue this kind of relationship with her anymore, but she always treating it like i simply saying only.. and she will never want me to give up to her so easily... Nonetheless, she is never can make any decision whether she would choose who... Everytime when she quarrel with "him", and she will definitely tell me that she dont want to continue her relationship with " him" anymore since he keep on hurted her so deeply. Then after this, she will tell me alot of her plan that how would she living without him in the coming days.. and she said she dont want to go back to him again. Then, i am keep thinking how to help her on everything if she need my hand.. But at the end, she will still going back to him, at the end she still can tahan with what "he" did on her, she still can treating like nothing was happens before..

Urrghh,,! I was found myself given "her" so many chances already, she only will find me when she is quarrel with "him", and she only will find me when " he" is not around.. Nevertheless, i never wish i want this to myself anymore, i hope my most lovely one can find me anytime, she can always around me , she can always beside me... and i also can find her anytime when i want to need her..!


feelin- tightly
I really getting tiring and no more energetic on playing this kind of 3 person game again, maybe i should give myself a break now... i dont wish to continue anymore.......................Give Up..!! "ting".. "ting"